Behind every strong, independent woman lies a broken little girl who had to learn how to get back up and not depend on anyone.
In lieu of the Fourth of July last weekend, I wanted to write a bit about becoming independent.
I know a lot of people can mentally struggle with this, but it can easily be fixed with a few simple changes to your lifestyle.
If you want something done right, just do it yourself. The same goes for life. If you want your life to be a certain way, you have to work towards it. No one is going to just give you what you want, no one is a mind readers. Aboslutely nothing in this life is free, it comes with a price and it’s not always monetary.
Growing up in Buffalo, NY I had limited opportunities and room for growth in my life. Honestly, I hid in the shelter of my family for a long time. Let me tell you it’s tough for a young female when you get into the real world, but that’s a discussion for another time.
There are somethings you just aren’t taught in school or by your parents. The most valuable lessons you’ll learn just comes from putting yourself out there, and all I have to say is that it’s totally worth it.
What most people don’t realize is that independence and loneliness are not one in the same.
You will not thrive by simply just doing everything by yourself. Put your pride aside, and learn to accept assistance from others.
There will always be things that you don’t know or have experience in. Not everyone will be motivated by the same things as you, or move at the same pace. Just accept that, and find other issues to stress out about. There will be times where you need support but you have to find a healthy balance.
When I made my first big move, I thought I could just do everything alone, and it would be fine. The reality is that life gets hard sometimes, know who you can trust to lean on when it does. Loneliness will mess you up big time, we are meant to be social creatures. Don’t cut yourself off from others or you’ll crumble into depression and anxiety. Isolation is not a healthy defense mechanism for anything, just figure out where you fit into the world.
While being independent might seem scary, all it requires is confidence and relying less on others. In doing so you ultimately reduce your stress and improve your self-value. By learning to rely on others less, you reduce your chances of feeling disappointed by something or someone.
Give it to yourself, work for it, and laugh in their face when someone says it’s not possible. News flash: anything is possible, especially if you want it that badly. That feeling you get when you finally buy that new car you’ve always wanted, new Chanel bag, or whatever it may be… it’s an exciting rush!
Trust yourself and your instincts to kick in when you need it to. You will ultimately accomplish much more in life, rather than having it just given to you.
Looking for ways to become more Independent? Here are 5 ways I changed my lifestyle:
1.) Fake It Till You Make It Baby
Everyone knows how much, I sarcastically say this. However, there is some truth to this. I wasn’t always confident and comfortable in my own skin. I forced myself into situations of public speaking, posting goofy videos, and mentoring others when I wasn’t even necessarily sure I was qualified to be doing any of that. As long as you are confident and friendly, people will generally accept you for who are and say you are. You just have to back it up at some point so don’t become a compulsive liar to try and fit in. No one likes a liar and you will quickly get discredited. Hang around successful people, start implementing healthy eating habits, and develop a plan. You be surprised at how quickly that all becomes your reality. What seems like a lifestyle that isn’t normal everyday for you, will become your normal.
2.) Stop Asking For Permission
First of all, what are you even doing? So your friend made plans without you this weekend. WAAH! 😦 You bet your bum, I have a back plan. There’s one thing I don’t do and that’s jealousy. You will NEVER catch me sitting at home watching them all have a great time on my Instagram story or asking if I can come. I am still going out and I am going to have a blast! I love my friends and I trust they will have a blast too. You are more than capable of making your own decisions and plan. Be a leader not a follower, it’s way hotter anyways. When you ask others for their opinions and permission, then you are becoming dependent on their ideas and not trusting your own judgement. If you can become more aware of your own instinct and thoughts or feelings, you will start to become more independent too. It’s as simple as that.
3.) Become More Assertive
If you say yes to everyone and everything, people will become so dependent on you, that you won’t have time to do what you have to do to fulfill your own needs. The ones that genuinely care about you, will be okay with you saying the no word every once in awhile. The same goes for always being agreeable all the time. Talk about boring….. SNOOZE FEST! It’s perfectly normal to have your own opinions. It’s actually an incredibly attractive trait when someone can express their opinions and why they feel a certain way. As long as you aren’t trying to shove it down their throats, people usually listen. Oh no someone got defensive, and doesn’t like it? That is simply their own issues coming through, yikes… Don’t ever be afraid to play the devil’s advocate every once in awhile, and question things.
4.) Accept The World We Live In
People are treated unfairly based on thing we can’t control most of the time. Gender, race, weight, how much money you have, intelligence, and just about anything that makes you who you are. Know your strengths and play them to your advantage. Being a young and attractive female comes with a lot of patronizing and unwarranted flirting. One of my favorite hobbies, is proving people wrong. You can be attractive, smart, and successful and it isn’t completely your looks that get you there. Now that’s not always the case, but be aware of the world. These are real challenges you’ll face, do not try to be one of those liberals going all politically crazy on people for their views. Simply mind your business, and rise above those social issues instead of trying to convince yourself it’s not possible because of the world we live in today. Trust me it is, you’re just making excuses and blaming others because you’re sensitive.
5.) Don’t Settle For Anything Less
Work hard at everything you do, and leave people saying “Wow I can’t believe she did all that on her own!” It can be really easy to spread yourself too thin. However, my philosophy is that I don’t half ass anything that includes relationships, work, my fitness routine, etc. Don’t say yes if you don’t have the time to give your best at something. It just makes you look lazy and unreliable, and that is not attractive. If you’re perfectly capable of doing something, you shouldn’t feel like it isn’t necessary for someone else to do it for you. Don’t ever settle on accepting something to be nice or because it feels comfortable. You have standards, and don’t ever let that interrupt the flow of you living your life.
This is going to be a big internal battle for you, with a lot of ups and downs. As my father would say just stick to your guns, and keep your head held high. By incorporating most of these tips into your lifestyle, you’re going to see a huge shift in the things that come your way. Most of all, you are going to learn how to make yourself happy. A lot of times our gut is right, just follow it and listen to your instincts. We all have a path that we will fit into at some point in our lives. Its going to take a lot of time but you can do anything that you set your mind out too, have faith in yourself. Empires don’t just build themselves, go out there and build your own. If there was a moment anymore perfect, that now take advantage. So many great things came for people in the middle of a pandemic, and that can still be you.
Anna 