There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me that is the true essence of beauty.
Steve Maraboli
Everyone wants to be confident. I mean why wouldn’t you it’s a beautiful trait to have!
There is a fine line between confidence and insecurity. I have found that not many people tend to understand. Confidence is not about not having any insecurities to deal with. Confidence is KNOWING you have them, being able to identify them, and work towards resolving them. The key here is knowing your boundaries and when to walk away from certain people and washy situations.
In short, KNOW YOUR WORTH.
Confidence [ˈkänfədəns]
NOUN
the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
“A confident women knows she is loved, refuses to live in fear, recovers from set backs, avoids comparisons, takes action, and does not live in the “if only” and “what ifs.” ”
[more] synonyms: trust · belief · faith · credence · conviction · reliance · dependence
Do you ever see a women walking down the street dressed to the nines, head held high, and looks like she on a mission to save the world? She’s turning heads, most likely getting cat calls, but not giving anyone the time of day unless they offer some form of value.
That’s a woman with confidence, who feels complete with her life and doesn’t need validation from anyone or any material thing. By value I mean the intangible relationships we form throughout life with the people around us. She focuses on having valuable relationships with people who provide balance to her life, avoiding chaos at all costs.
Carrie Fisher once said “Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
If you’ve ever heard me say fake it till you make it, this sums up what Fisher is saying.
Let’s face it some days you’re not going to feel like yourself every single day, and that okay. I’m not going to pretend that I live everyday glowing and bubbly. On the days where it’s harder, I just take a deep breath and remember who I want to be. That girl isn’t sulking over what she doesn’t have, she working towards becoming something great, and not going to let anything get in her way. She is confident in herself and knows the value she brings to the people in her life.
Now let’s get down to the real reasons why you’re here.
First, to become more confident we have to understand what confidence is and what comes with that. Picture, the some of the most successful people you know, or look up to.
What traits do they have?
I have the opportunity to be surrounded by some of the most successful people in the country. I receive a lot of advice, learn from them, and spend my time engaging in meaningful interactions.
Here’s are 7 traits I have found in some of the most confident people in my life.
1.) Know Yourself and Your Values
How could you ever be sure of yourself if you don’t know what you stand for.
I’ll say it now and I’ll say it a million times over, you need to develop a personal brand. This is an investment in yourself.
Life becomes SO much easier when you can clearly define what is important to you. Then you’ll naturally start to know what you should be spending a lot of your time doing, who you should be hanging out with, and what you need to do in order to be great.
Confident people do not give their most valuable assets (time, money, a job, etc..) to people who aren’t worth it.
When you know who you are, you will start to surround yourself with people who have a similar mindset and goals. Ones that you can learn from and they can learn from you.
Once you get all that down, you can start to focus on all those amazing ambitions that you have in store for the world.
2.) Understand that Everyone has Insecurities
Of course we do, we’re all simply human. That’s all this beautifully comes down to. We all face challenges, have mental breakdowns, and get stressed out.
Confident people however, do not project their insecurities on others. They simply work on them, without bringing others down. Let’s face it, shit happens and so does having to deal with shitty people.
You have to let go of all your negative thoughts, because insecurities become loud if you don’t focus on them.
When someone wrongs you, you have a choice: are you going to spend the day letting their shitty behavior get to you, and ruin your day?
Or are you going to let that interaction breeze by and continue your day with a confident and positive attitude?
The latter here is a prime example of confidence.
Confident people don’t behave like that in the first place, and choose not to interact with those who do. Take a mental note and avoid that person for future reference. That negative attitude is projected from their insecurities, and it’s not cute.
3.) Set Goals and Take Action
As highly intellectual beings, we have the power to choose what our stress is.
Do you want to a high paying job offering over 6 figures? Well guess what, you can have that. However are you willing to deal with the stress that come with that? You should always pick your goals, by the amount of hard work and stress you’re willing to put in to make that happen. Let’s face it were not all going to end up millionaires, but we can happily die trying.
Confident people make firm decisions after analyzing the facts of whatever it is their pursing. Then they take responsibility and initiative to go and get it done.
You have to find the drive within you, no one is going to hand you a magic cookie with your new found passion in it. You have to go out and find it yourself. If any bumps in the road happen along the way take responsibility for your mistakes and errors, and improve on them.
We can control our personal goals, and the stresses we will endure from them. For example, you’ll never get that hot summer body without enduring hours at the gym. However, if that’s what you want then go for it!
Strength and growth only comes from continuous effort and struggle.
4.) Cut the Gossip
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.
I take on the philosophy only say to others what you would say to their face. It’s easy to gossip about someone but what is the point? Half of the time, gossip is just false assumptions that always end poorly.
The other half of the time, it stems from your jealousy. It’s not cute to talk bad about someone you barely know, and it’s obvious that you’re envious of something they have.
Be so focused on what you legacy you can create, that you don’t have time to think or say those thoughts out loud. If you have the time to gossip the chances are, you aren’t focused on anything worthy of your time.
5.) Stay Humble, Sit Down
Confident people listen, more than they speak. There is a certain air of comfort to this.
You ever listen to someone at a party go off about superficial things and it feels as if they’re sucking the air out of everyone in the room?
Less is more, and in this case, that person comes off as just really aggressive and straight up annoying.
Confident people don’t enjoy that form of communication, they sit back, listen, and then ask engaging questions. It leaves the most impact.
While they certainly have the most to brag about, they have the common sense to know that bragging is shallow. Your accomplishments will always find a way to speak for themselves, you don’t have to validate your success to others.
6.) Spread Positivity
If you’re confident in yourself, you don’t spend time thinking about what others think of you. Which in hand frees up a lot of your time to recognize the talents around you.
If you see a girl on the street with a cool outfit and you can say “wow, I love that fit girl” without expecting one back in return. Now that, is beautiful confidence in all it’s glory.
Spread positivity. If I don’t like someone or something, it’s not because they aren’t a good person or she doesn’t have style. That’s just my opinion. This may sound like a tough pill to swallow, but not everyone needs to know your opinion. Keep it to yourself.
7.) Generosity
No matter what situations life throws at you, you can always give back at some capacity.
This can be done in a variety of ways time, money, attention, or compliments. Confident people are givers.
You have to be happy with everything you have in your life. It’s yours for a reason, and you should want to share that with the people around you. Give back what you can to those that matter the most to you.
It’s an even trade, and creates some of the most long lasting friendships.
Thinking back to some of the most confident people I’ve met, a lot of them all have these same traits. Take sometime to digest these traits and how you can start striving to incorporate them in your personal brand.
Just a daily reminder to leave you guys with. Confidence is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are. At the end of the day, always believe in yourself because no one else will, if you don’t have the strength to give it to yourself.
Ciao, Loves 🙂
Anna 